When I was in college, I bemoaned to my dad that Christmas had lost it's "magic". He smiled and said not to worry. The magic returns with children.
This is my first Christmas as a mom.
Although I know there will be more magic in the years to come, when Wee Bud has more understanding and is able to interact to a greater degree, the magic has already started to return. When we decorated the tree, it was with her reaction in mind. And when we turned off all of the lights in the house and turned on the lights on the tree the look on her face was priceless. It was one of those "uncapturable" moments.
I've been thinking more and more about those "uncapturable" moments. And the moments that I sometimes miss by trying to capture them. Be it in picture form, or a video clip, or jotting something down. So often I find myself missing the present by trying to remember the present.
Captain and I were talking about this the other day. I have a very distinct memory of the 4th of July when I was seven years old. I had just received my first camera for my birthday a few months earlier and was determined to photograph the fireworks display. As everyone around me oo'ed and ah'ed, I concentrated on pushing the shutter button at just the right time to capture those momentary and spectacular blossoms of fire and light and sound. At the end of the night, I had a full roll of film (remember those days? Wee Bud won't even have the experience of not seeing pictures until after they have been developed...), anyway, I had a full roll of film but no real memory of the fireworks themselves, just of my trying to take pictures of them. That night has stuck with me and has come to the surface of my thoughts at various times in the years since then.
Never more so than now.
Somehow, when I held my freshly-born Wee Bud and someone talked about the habits of three month olds, my brain filed that away for "sometime in the future." That sometime is already here and I don't even know how it happened so quickly! She will be three months old towards the end of December but she's already 11 weeks old. And holding her head up. And rolling over. And possibly in the beginning stages of teething. Ai ai ai. I'm now realizing that the "six month stage" is also not "sometime in the future" but "practically tomorrow." This is why I want to capture these moments but I fight myself from picking up my iPhone to take more pictures and instead I stare into her beautiful, still-blue eyes and smile and laugh as she responds in kind.
She just woke up. This post isn't finished. But I wouldn't waste the two minutes to finish it and miss her "good morning, Mommy" smile. It's my favorite.
